


My Baby, The Scholar

by Living_Free



Series: Slip and Slide [30]
Category: Batman - All Media Types
Genre: A Saga, Batfamily, Bruce can't deal with excess protein, Crack, Damian is unwittingly cute, Dick channels his magical faerie princess sunshine powers, Fluff, Gen, Gotta keep that colon clean, Humor, Terry is a scholar, Tim and his tiny ass, batbros, jason Todd is a good bro
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-24
Updated: 2019-03-24
Packaged: 2019-11-29 07:36:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,050
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18220142
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Living_Free/pseuds/Living_Free
Summary: Terry says his first word.Dick is the happiest he's ever been.Bruce can't deal with Jason's irreverence,and Tim and Damian have the most sense.





	My Baby, The Scholar

The Waynes were eating a post patrol late dinner when they heard it. 'It' being Terry's first word. 

Dick was serving up salad - "You need your fibre, Bruce, you know that your little colon can't handle all the meat otherwise!" - when Terry spoke from his crib. 

"Dada?"

There was chaos. Dick upended the salad bowl over Jason's head, drenching his brother in lettuce and vinegarette. Jason cursed poetically, Tim fainted into Cass' lap, Damian sprang out of his chair, Alfred swooned against the countertop, and Bruce felt his little colon jump in surprise. 

Terry, completely unknowing as to the scene erupting around him, craned his tiny head out of the crib and extended a squishy little hand towards Dick. "Dada?" He called again. 

Dick and the Wayne collective ran up to the crib, all bruises and sore muscles from the night completely forgotten. With tears in his eyes, Dick lifted Terry out of the crib and cradled him close to his chest. 

"Yeah, I'm your dada, sweetie," Dick said, his voice straining with the effort of keeping his tears at bay. "I'm so proud of you," he crooned. "Do you know where your papa is? Papa Wally?"

Terry peered around until his eyes fell on Wally. "Papa!" 

Wally burst into unashamed tears, soaking Damian, who scuttled away from Wally like a hermit crab that was going to miss the bus and be late for work as a result. He stopped next to Tim, and used his brother's baggy Superboy shirt to towel his hair dry of Wally's salty tears, even as Tim shrieked at the ticklishness of Damian's tiny head rubbing his delicate tummy.

Dick bounced Teddy, who was on a roll. "Jay!" Terry said, pointing happily at a befuddled Jason. 

"He...he knows my name," Jason said, disbelieving.

"You only spend eighteen hours of the day with him," Damian scoffed. 

Jason bounced forward. "Yeah, I'm uncle Jay."

"Unca Jay!"

"Brilliant! Can you say 'Aunt Roy'?"

"Jason!" Roy hissed. 

Terry scrunched up his face in concentration. "An Woy," he said, then looked around victoriously. The family burst into applause at their little prodigy. 

"What about Auntie Cass?" Dick asked, pointing to Cass, who pushed everyone out of the way to reach the front, sending Damian careening into TIm, who smacked into Jason, who smacked into Roy, who landed in Bruce's arms. 

"Wow, you're so swole, Bruce," Roy admired. 

"Don't you fall for my dad's swole and hairy arms," Jason said, pulling Roy up and towards himself. "I'm just as swole and even more hairy!"

"That's not praiseworthy, Jason, it's unhygenic," Bruce muttered. 

"Jelly belly," Jason retorted.

"How utterly common," Bruce shuddered. 

Terry laughed gaily. "Boos!" He called. "Boooos!"

It was now Bruce's turn to collapse, this time on top of poor, dainty, Tim, who squeaked as he was flattened by Bruce's mass. 

"Tell Kon that I love him!" Tim cried, sure that he would perish.

"For God's sake," Bruce grumbled, righting himself. "No one will comfort Kon-El. Let him suffer."

"Bruce, how could you!" Tim wailed. 

"Look at poor uncle Timmy," Dick cooed, "always so horny for uncle Kon."

"Unca 'Im," Terry echoed seriously. "O'nee."

"Oh my god, did he try to say horny?" Jason asked gleefully. "That's my boy! You call out uncle Timmy and his sinful thoughts!"

"Enough of this tomfoolery!" Damian cried, striding forward to where Terry was snugly sitting in Dick's arms. "Terrence, the time has come," he said lowly, addressing the baby. "You must now take the name of your best uncle and mentor, myself."

Terry merely stared at Damian, unmoving and unknowing. As the seconds passed, Dick was horrified to see Damian's proud expression sinking, replaced with horror at the thought that Terry did not know him. 

Seconds ticked by in silence, as everyone waited. When it became clear that Terry wouldn't speak, Tim gently placed a hand on Damian's shoulder. "It's ok, Dames," he said quietly. "He's just a baby, he doesn't-"

Suddenly, Terry's face split into a gummy smile and for the first time, he reached out of Dick's arms towards a very surprised Damian. "Dami!" Terry cried happily. "Dami!"

Damian burst into diabolical laughter and took Terry into his arms. "Behold, you faithless armadillos!" Damian informed the rest of his family victoriously.

"Damian, don't call your siblings armadillos-" Bruce started, but Damian paid no heed. 

"My nephew loves me best!" Damian sang. "He recognizes and adores me, for truly, he values the time and love that I have given him! My perfect Terrence, you are truly a marvel!" Damian praised. "Grayson, did you see? Did you see?" Damian asked bouncing happily.

"Dick, don't encourage him-"

"I did, Dami! I'm so proud of the bond that you and Terry have cultivated!"

"Fool," Bruce groused, along with Jason and Tim.

Damian was too busy being carried away in transports of delight to notice anyone else. For now, He and Terry (and Grayson) were the only occupants of the world. "Dami," Terry cooed again, and Dick started to vibrate with the buildup of joy in his body. 

"Oh no, the squee has reached critical levels!" Jason cried. "It's gonna blow!" 

"Sacrifice Tim," Cass suggested quickly, even as Tim's jaw dropped.

"Cass! How could you!"

"Can't stop, won't stop."

"It is to be ritualistic sacrfice, then," Jason said somberly, and anointed Tim with the mayonnaise. "Go boldly, young twink. Your sacrifice will be remembered fondly."

"You put mayonnaise on my face!"

"It's kind of creepy that you can't even see it," Roy observed. "You need to go out into the sun more, Tim."

Meanwhile, the squee was building up to boiling point within Dick, surrounding him with a slight glow. Bruce squinted. "Is it just me, or is Dick glowing?"

Tim and Damian looked at each other, panicked. Bruce could not find out about Dick's latent magic, he would 'flip his lid' with worry and paranoia about otherworldly creatures influencing his pure and innocent Dickie. 

"Of course Grayson is not glowing, father, that would be ridiculous," Damian said quickly. "It must be your eyesight failing you in your advanced years."

"Actually, Dick is-" Jason started, only to have Tim jump onto his foot, crushing it. 

"You were saying, Jason?" im asked innocently.

"I was saying," Jason said, clearing his throat, "that you're so dead, Tim."

"Eep."

No one seemed to be bothered about Tim's imminent Jason-related death, as they were all busy fawning over Terry, who seemed to be radiating the same glow that Dick was letting off. Not that any of these fools would notice, Damian thought smugly. Being magically attuned was great. 

Terry was continuing to babble somewhat coherently, and was now making grabby hand for Alfred. "Fee! Fee!"

"Oh, he's trying to say Alfie," Dick cooed. Alfred straigtened proudly. "Of course, great grandfather Fee also has a dignified ring to it," he declared archly. "The little master can call me whatever he wishes, provided that it is prefaced by 'great grandfather'."

Witht he exitement having died down, the family sat down again, this time with Terry in Bruce's lap. "You're going to be a prodigy, I can tell," Bruce said. "A very handsome, muscular, and righteous prodigy, just like-"

Jason glared meaningfully at Bruce.

"-like daddy."

"Aw, Bruce," Dick beamed. 

"You're welcome, Dick," Bruce said gallantly, shooting Jason a look that said don't-you-patronize-me-young-man-I'm-your-father-and-I-know-best-and-that-Terry-isn't-actually-mine-in-any-way-but-blood.

Jason glared back with a look that communicated I-know-but-you-have-severe-dumbass-tendencies-and-I-won't-let-you-ruin-Dick's-family-with-your-asshatery.

How-dare-you-consecend-to-me Bruce thoguht heatedly at Jason.

Eat-my-socks Jason thought back viciously. 

"That's it, you're grounded young man!" Bruce burst out, to everyone's confusion.

Damian hung his head sadly. "Alas, it is as I feared, and father has begun his slow descent into senility and old age! I shall have to speed up my work on preservation spells, and secure a booking for the Lazarus Pit-"

"Like Old Al Ghul will let you-"

"Grandfather is very obliging of his only grandson, and even more so since he thinks that I am embracing the family legacy of Evile by studying dark magicks. After all, I will one day be Lord Al Ghul-Wayne, of House Al Ghul of the Mediterranean and House Wayne of Gotham City. I will offer my patronage and protection to my vassals, House Kent of Kent Farm, and House Gordon of Gotham."

"Oh my god."

"My Lord will do, Todd," Damian said imperiously.

"We have got to stop letting him read Game of Thrones," Tim muttered.

"Don't worry," Dick said, "I cut out all the naughty parts. So basically everying about House Lannister. Dami only likes the batle planning an alliance forging bits anyway."

"I like House Stark," Damian proclaimed thoughtfully, chewing on broccolli. "But I think that I like Daenerys the best."

"You would," Jason agreed. 

"I want a dragon."

"No more pets," Bruce rumbled. 

"Aw, father. You are truly a twig in a mud puddle."

"Why are you all like this? Why can't you be more like Terry? Terry is perfect," Bruce complained. "Aren't you, my little batling?"

"Ba!"

"Yes, Bat. Chiroptera, if you want to get specific about it."

Dinner continued as usual, with Tim shooting scared looks at Jason who was occasionally flexing his fingers and shaking out his fist and looking pointedly at Tim's ass. Tim squeaked and covered his tushy with both hands to protect it from the ass whooping of a lifetime. 

Eventually, Wally took Terry from Bruce's arms to put him to sleep, but Bruce was loath to let go. "Do you want to sleep with grampy today, Terry-berry?" Wally cooed. 

"Boos!"

"That settled that," Wally said, handing Terry back to a pleased Bruce. "Dick, you coming up or do you want to stay with Terry and Bruce?"

"It's fine, I trust Bruce," Dick said, standing easily. "Goodnight everyone, goodnight Terrykins," Dick cooed, and slathered his infant son with many kisses, catching an unwitting Bruce a few times as well. 

"Yech," Bruce grumbled, wiping his cheeks free of Dick affection, before going upstairs to tuck in with Terry. It was going to be a lovely grandpa-grandson bonding night, wheer they would both lie about gormlessly and snore like logs, albeit one log being cuter than the other by a wide margin.

Bruce was tucked up snug in his bed when he realized that there was something poking his back. Feeling very much like the princess and the pea, he sat up, only to see Damian in bed with him.

"Good evening, father."

"What are you doing here, Damian?" Bruce asked.

Damian sat up and crawled over to wedge himself between Bruce and Terry, where he lay in his swaddle. "I am protecting Terrence from the theart of being squished underneath your fearsome bulk, father," Damian explained. "Squish me, if you must, but Terrence will not suffer."

"How heroic of you," Bruce muttered, lying back down. Then, a thought occurred. "I'm not fat."

"Of course not," Damian said. "You are merely...large."

Bruce peered at his titchy son, who he knew in his heart of hearts, would take after his mother's slender build rather than his own. "Hmm," he said, before falling asleep. A scant few minutes later, Bruce felt something cool and soft slithering beside him. Bracing himself to see some sort of lizard, Bruce lifted the blanket, and instead found Tim wearing yet another of his short, silk, nightgowns. 

"Tim," he greeted his son. 

"Heya, Bruce."

Bruce looked over at Damian and Terry, both who had broken from their slumber annd were staring bemusedly at Tim. "Tim, why are you in bed with us?" Bruce asked. 

"Jason snuck into my room to punch my ass for stepping on his foot at dinner. He was hiding under the bed, but I saw him. Can I stay here tonight?"

"Yes, you can stay," Bruce sighed and watched Tim happily burrow underneath the blankets next to Bruce. Bruce was now flanked by Damian and Tim, with Terry on Damian's left side, safe on a makeshift blanket futon. 

"Drake, make sure that father does not roll over and squish me in his slumber," Damian directed. "I am too young to perish thusly, and I have much wisdom and affection to impart unto Terrence."

"Will do," Tim yawned widely.

"Drake, you boor," Damian said, looking horrified, but still fell asleep. 

And following the example set by youngsters of his family, Bruce too, finally fell asleep.


End file.
